Warning: Gross Stuff Ahead

There are some things about running that you just don't find out about until you get deep into your first long runs. Gross stuff. Toenails fall off and toes bleed. Everything chafes. Sweat dries and leaves cystals that feel like you've been sandblasted, furthering the chafing problem. Snot rockets are pretty much a necessity. And when you run for a long time, blood is diverted from your digestive system to your muscles, which can cause extremely nasty lower intestinal upset. I'm going to tackle a few of these icky beasts, so those with weak stomachs might want to skip this post.

First, toenails. I used to have lovely pedicured toenails. I would get them painted in bright colors, with decorative flowers and other cute things adorning them. Heading into my second year of running, I now paint my own toenails in deep, dark shades of black, purple and red to hide the fact that underneath the polish, the nails actually ARE black, purple or red. Two toenails have fallen off completely, so I just paint the nail beds so they LOOK like toenails are there. And yes, I do have good shoes, they were professionally fit, my socks are in decent shape...it just seems to be a fact of life for me that a couple of my toenails do not like it when I run. So they quite often choose to fall off. I haven't had a pedicure in ages. I'm too mortified to go in and have them see what's left of my nails. Gross. One toe in particular is now referred to by my family as the "Zombie Toe," because it looks so scary.

Then there's the chafing issue. When I first started running, I heard about men whose nipples would bleed due to their shirts rubbing against them on a run. I thought this was horrific and surely only happened to people who ran hundreds of miles at a time. I have since learned that not only is that extremely commonplace, almost everyone I know that runs has a story about chafing in some horrible place at some point during their running lives. Myself included. Suffice it to say that I now buy and use both Body Glide and Vaseline and I'm not afraid to use it. I once put my housekey in the pocket of my shorts during a long run of about 10 miles. I came home and realized blood was dripping down the side of my leg, because the key had rubbed my hip completely raw. On my 20 mile run, I wore a newer but exactly-the-same-style-as-I've-always- worn sports bra. It still had a tag on the back with wash instructions, size, etc. I didn't think to tear it out. While I put body glide all around where the bra band goes, I couldn't reach the middle of my back. Right where the tag was, apparently. I still have a giant scab where it rubbed me to bleeding. And absolutely do not underestimate the pain that chafing can cause when you are rinsing sweat off yourself in the shower. Salt + raw, open wound = OW. Ick.

Next up, snot. It happens. Especially if you're running early in the morning and it's cool out. Your nose will run. I used to carry tissues in my pocket or in my belt and try to stop and blow my nose on the run. Problems with this include sweaty hands and face and tissues that stick to the sweat as well as the issue of where to put the nasty tissue after you're done. Then I started wearing gloves on colder mornings and began just wiping my nose with the gloves. (Yes, I washed the gloves post-run, and no, don't ever shake my hand if I'm running in gloves.) One day a friend of mine said, "You just have to let it go and learn how to shoot a snot rocket." WHAT? EW!? Also known as a "farmer's blow", you pinch one nostril shut and blow out the other one, preferably NOT into anyone who might be behind you. Blech!!! But it does keep the gloves a little cleaner. This tip is handy for beginner runners running their first races, too. Watch out for snot rockets if it's a cool day. I always try to check behind me before I do it, but some people just aren't that polite.

I will leave the digestive runs that often happen to runners for another day, but I'll leave you with this warning. If there are 47 port-a-potties with a line on race day and 3 with no line, just wait in the line. There's likely a reason those 3 remain empty...

All this and I still run. Toenail-less, chafed and snotty, I run on. Call me crazy.