Fall down, get up, keep going, repeat...

I haven't been posting as often lately. Partly because I've been injured and not running as often as I'd like. Partly because that fact depresses me a little. I confess to not being in the best frame of mind a lot lately due to feeling "out of sorts" about not running.

Last week I had a horrible treadmill workout. It was demoralizing. Just over a month ago I was pounding out 6 or 8 miles on the tread, gloating about how easy it had become. Yesterday, a measly 5K seemed daunting. I was tired by 2 miles. Even though I have tried to keep my fitness up with cross training, all the swimming and stationary bike riding in the world hasn't seemed to keep my running fitness at the same level.

Here's what I AM learning. Crosstraining is good. For so long during my marathon training, I did nothing but run, run and run some more. I think more than anything, that contributed to my injury. I thought I could just run and that would be enough. I am learning that even though the swimming and biking don't exactly work me in the same ways, it's better for my body to have some "other" training. Working different muscles in different ways is helping me to become stronger overall. Taking a step back from running during the past month and a half has really shown me the benefits of being less narrowly focused.

I'm also learning that the way you naturally run is not the way you always have to run. During PT, I've been doing some 'gait retraining' and it's actually working. I am running with a slightly wider stance so my feet are landing more square beneath my hips, my arms are swinging straight and my upper body and pelvis aren't twisting. It has taken almost a month to make even small changes, but the adaptations are starting to become habitual and I know the improvements will help me down the road. Literally!

Setbacks happen. You fall down, you have to get back up and keep going, even if you have to go much slower for a while. The fact that this is the first time I've REALLY encountered a big setback just means I've been lucky. Even though I'm not running as much as I'd like to be, I feel stronger overall, more relaxed about my running, and optimistic about moving forward. Slower than I'd hoped, but forward nonetheless. And today's treadmill 5K felt good. Really good. Next time I think I'll do 3.5 miles.

Still recovering, warts and all

Post 26.2, I am still recovering from a hip flexor strain that caused a secondary issue with my piriformis and some tendonitis. Not only that, but I have finally lost all the toenails that I ruined during the long miles of training and the race itself. In spite of being fitted multiple times for correct shoes, having a sock consultation, and getting my overall running form evaluated, I still lose toenails. I was basically told it's a biomechanical problem I just happen to be prone to. Swell. So for the record, I have now lost FIVE out of ten toenails. That's HALF. The good news is, they have all completely fallen off now, so at least they don't look like mangled nasty messes anymore. They just look...gone.

In spite of missing all those toenails, it's summer in Southern California, and it's hot. And when I'm not in running shoes, I pretty much live in my Rocket Dog flip flops. That is not changing, no matter how self-conscious I get about my less than elegant, non-pedicured toes. I hope that my friends know me well enough to overlook this social/fashion faux pas. I found an amusing post from the "Ask Miles" files at Runner's World that addressed this issue:


DEAR MILES,
Q: I've lost a few toenails thanks to running. Is it impolite to wear sandals around nonrunning friends?
A: Are they new nonrunning friends? If so, yeah, it's kinda rude. If they're friends who know you all too well, it's fine.

(http://www.runnersworld.com/article/0,7120,s6-238-267-270-13549-0,00.html?cm_mmc=beginner-_-2010_07_14-_-beginner-_-ASK%20MILES%3a%20'Should%20I%20Tip%3f'%20)

Thank goodness. And to all my new nonrunning friends, I hope you're not squeamish or a member of the fashion police. Because this is me. Warts (and missing toenails!) and all.

Rehab and muscles I didn't even know I had

I know this blog is supposed to be about running, but since injury is pretty much a given at some point in almost everyone's running life, I'm going to keep talking about mine. Talking about running right now just makes me grumpy because I'm not doing it, anyway!

At physical therapy last Friday, my therapist made a new discovery. My Piriformis Syndrome is not my primary problem. It's a secondary problem to a really tight, spasming psoas major. What the heck is THAT, you might say (because that's exactly what I said.) In short, it's a deep, high hip flexor muscle that allows you to lift your knee. Mine was so tender that when my PT touched it, I just about shot through the roof of the building. It's so tight that it has literally pulled my pelvis out of alignment, which is why my piriformis on that side was working much harder than it should've, leading to the problem I have there. Once that was discovered, I had to do a whole new set of exercises and stretching, and I left PT on Friday barely able to walk at all. The good news is, I'm feeling much better today, and I'm hopeful that now that we've really gotten to the root of the problem, we'll be able to speed along the recovery process.

In the meantime, I'm not supposed to be running more than 4 miles at a time, and I have promised to stop at any point during a run if anything starts to hurt. My PT actually said he wasn't going to tell me NOT to run, although he'd prefer I didn't. He said he knew if he said that, I would just run anyway and not tell him. He'd rather he gave me some limitations and have me be honest about my activity. I am trying to do more on the bike, elliptical and pool. I'm trying aqua jogging out, and that's a nice alternative so far, though NOT THE SAME as running. I miss running!!! Hoping to be back at it in full force soon!!

Physical Therapy

I can already tell I have I'm going to have a love/hate relationship with physical therapy. I LOVE that someone totally GETS exactly what my problem is. Where it hurts and how it hurts and when it hurts. My PT absolutely understands. The massage and trigger release therapy he did was AWESOME. I didn't have to keep telling him where it hurts, he knew exactly. The stretches he showed me where also amazing and felt so good. I'm cool with doing them. The strength training portion was not terribly fun, though. It made me hurt. The nerve manipulation was also not fun. It hurt. And I am not a fan of the TENS unit, although some people tell me they enjoy the sensation.

Overall, some of it is great and some of it is not so great, but in the end, I have been told that Piriformis Syndrome is manageable and they can definitely decrease my pain. I'm all for that. They do want me to keep my running mileage really low, which is good because at least they aren't telling me NOT to run, but rotten because I'm antsy to get back up to higher mileage again. I also have orders to avoid hill training or speedwork for the time being. Ugh. I have to be patient and work through this, but I am finding I am not a very good injured runner. Swimming, walking, stationary bike at the gym, it all feels like a waste of my time...time I could be spending running!

On another positive note, my PT also told me that I might want to consider some different running shoes since I never had problems prior to switching to the Mizunos. That may or may not help, but it certainly is worth a try, he said. New running shoes?! YES, please!!! I'm always up for that. Of course, that'll make me want to run all the more...

I think I'll go stretch and ice and Advil myself while I dream about new shoes. And running in them.

Grouchy and ouchy

I went to practice today. Our Seattle Rock n' Roll marathoners went 10 miles today. I went 3. The hip hurt pretty bad for the first mile, and pain radiated into my calf until it felt like I had the worst charlie horse ever. And this was run/walking. By mile 2, it felt like it had loosened up and relaxed a bit and was just about totally pain free. The last mile, it was tightening up again. I could literally feel the muscle start to clench and spasm, grabbing my sciatic nerve and squeeeeeeeezing. This is so frustrating! I really hope my physical therapist can help me work this out, because I'm not going to give up.

Once I stop running, the muscle totally knots itself up and that's when it REALLY hurts. I am icing, stretching and trying not to sit for too long at one stretch. Sitting makes it much worse. Stretching feels the best, so if I have to sit, I choose the floor and try to stretch or roll it on my massage roller. (This is the best gift I ever got and I use it DAILY. If you run, you need one of these things.) I am using up the BioFreeze samples I got at the marathon expo, and will soon switch back to Icy Hot. Menthol seems to be my perfume of choice these days.

So I continue to limp along, run/walking as I can and cross training in the pool or elliptical when I can't. I'm grumpier than usual, though, and I'm sure my family will be much happier when I'm out running more regularly again. I will be happier, too!!

On a slightly more upbeat note, I got my finish line photo back from the marathon photographers. I look much happier than I felt, which is a good thing!

Benched for a bit

I haven't written much lately because I've been feeling a little blue. The marathon really threw my hip out of whack and I was recently diagnosed with a bad flare up of piriformis syndrome. The piriformis muscle has knotted itself up and caused, literally, a giant pain in my butt. The sciatic nerve runs right behind (or through, in some people) the piriformis muscle, so when that muscle becomes agitated in any way, it can impinge on the nerve. So...I'm scheduled for a few weeks of physical therapy and for the moment they've asked that I not run. I'm trying to swim, elliptical, walk, do other less high impact activities, but it's making me crazy. And a little down in the dumps.

In an effort to keep my chin up, I've been reading a very funny book...The Runner's Rule Book . It's got some actual good stuff in it, but is overall pretty tongue in cheek. I'm hoping a good laugh will keep me from losing my mind. For now. I will be back with an update soon, and hopefully it will be that I'm back out kicking the asphalt again!

Marathon.

It has taken me a few days to process everything that happened over the weekend. I am alternately elated with myself for finishing a marathon, and disappointed in myself for not having a better race. It was a fun weekend, and I'm so glad I did it, but I have definitely seen firsthand the kind of punishment that the 26.2 can dish out.

I've struggled with how to respond to seemingly innocent questions like, "How was the race??!" and "How did you do?!?" In my mind, there is no simple answer, no pat reply. I find myself squeaking out, "I finished," and then going on to try and explain how the race went as people's eyes slowly glaze over, their smiles start to fade, their heads nodding but not really comprehending what the heck I'm talking about. I stop myself and just say again, "I finished." They don't want the details, but how does one possibly describe 26.2 miles of ups and downs, agony and ecstatic, dejection and elation into a sound bite reply?

The start was chaotic. There were 39,000 runners (although I heard somewhere there might've been as many as 44,000) packed like sardines into 39 corrals in Balboa Park. The gun went off at 6:15, but my group didn't hit the start line until almost 7am. I was SUPER excited, well hydrated, well pottied (three times through the portapotty line before I queued up!), well nourished with my regular pre-long run breakfast...I was READY! Crossing the start line was exhilirating and terrifying at the same time.

Miles 1 through 8 were fantastic. I felt great, and had to keep holding my pace in check. Passing through mile 5 we ran through Petco Park, where the jumbotron screamed in bigger than life letters, "The San Diego Padres congratulate you on your first 5 miles!" That was cool, and got me excited all over again. We ran on through downtown and back to Balboa park. I had fallen into a great pace and I felt like I was "in the zone." And then....the 163. We ran on the 163 freeway from about miles 9 to 12.5. This is where things started to unravel for me.

The marine layer that had hung around all day the previous day decided to burn off early on race morning, so by about 7am when I started, it was already gone. The humidity was pretty intense. So much so that at mile 6, I kept feeling something dripping on my back. I reached up and literally wrung sweat from my ponytail. Ugh. By the time I hit the freeway miles, it was hotter, more humid, and on the freeway asphalt with NO shade, beginning to get brutal. The freeway was uphill, which I had trained for and wouldn't have been so bad, except the camber was extreme. (Camber is the way a road is arched or angled in order for water to drain off and not pool in the middle of the street.) By mile 10, my hip was hurting from the angle and I was getting side of foot blisters from my feet repeatedly hitting the sides of my shoes instead of the bottom. I walked mile 11 to 12.5 until we got off the freeway because I was beginning to be in severe pain. I stopped at a med tent just after that to be sure I hadn't REALLY hurt something. They iced me and gave me some muscle rub and sent me back on my way.

I pushed through to the half marathon mark and was still feeling okay about my time, but I was hurting and mentally out of sorts, frustrated that I had been thrown off so early on in the race. My pace became slower and slower until I realized I could be walking and not be MUCH slower, so I decided to walk again for a little while and see if my hip pain subsided. I don't remember much about miles 14-18. I know that I was running as much as I could with some walking breaks to rest my hip. I remember seeing my Coach, who encouraged me and helped me remember that I was going to finish and that was all that mattered. I remember an adorable little boy on the side of the road, not much older than my youngest son, dressed up as Elvis and playing an inflatable guitar while screaming, "You guys ROCK!" I remember wanting to hug the sweet elderly lady passing out orange slices and bits of wisdom like, "Just keep putting one foot in front of the other!" I remember somewhere in there I stopped at a med tent again, for more ice on the hip, which was continuing to ache and throb relentlessly. When I thought I was ready to move on, I couldn't get up out of the chair they'd sat me down in and had to be helped. Someone looked me in the eye and said, "Do you want to continue?" I remember nodding and numbly moving on, thankful to be upright again.

About halfway into mile 18, I remember saying a prayer, and telling God the last nine miles were in his hands because I was getting really scared I wouldn't make it. I have never wanted to quit something SO BADLY at that point, but I was not going to allow myself to give up. I hurt. A lot. I was hot. I was frustrated with myself. I really wanted to just throw up my hands and say, "It's not my day, I'm out. Ya'll have fun!" But somehow my feet kept going. I jogged along. As we ran along Mission Bay, I gave myself a stern talking to. "You have a little more left, you know you do. Pull it out and suck it up, buttercup!" Suck it up buttercup became my mantra, and I said it to myself over and over.

Miles 21 to 25 were a lap around "Fiesta Island." It was not, as it's name would imply, a Fiesta. Someone said the city of San Diego used to use the island as a place to dump human waste. It was definitely a wasteland. It seemed barren and endless, and with the breeze that had kicked up over the bay, it filled our eyes and mouths with blowing sand. It was not a party. Thankfully, I met up with another Team in Training member from Virginia. She and I talked (okay grunted and grimaced a lot and talked some) through mile 24. It was a godsend to have someone to suffer with, to talk to and to take my mind off my hip and my frustration. We were just two strangers with a common goal, pulling each other through a rough spot.

Approaching 25, my new BFF needed to stop to clear her shoe of a rock she'd picked up. I thought if I stopped I might not want to start again, so we said our goodbyes and I kept dragging myself forward. Now, in addition to my right hip screaming at me, my left knee was starting to really hurt. I'd been trying to compensate for my hip and evidently my knee was now in rebellion. I imagine I looked like Quasimodo minus the hump as I limp/shuffled my feet along, arms pumping as I willed them to make my feet keep going. I was not going to finish like this. I took a deep breath and forced myself into a better form, in spite of the protests of my body. The finish line was coming into sight and I knew I was almost done. I could stop soon, and if I could just run, really RUN the last mile the stopping part would come much faster.

Miraculously, my pace picked up. It hurt so badly, but I wanted to finish strong. I was almost through mile 26 when out of nowhere my assistant coach popped up. He wondered if I was okay. I must've looked awful. (In fact, he told me later I DID look awful, but he wasn't about to tell me that at that moment!) I remember telling him I was dying. He said, "You are SO close! You are almost there!" I wanted to hug him for telling me that. Those were the most wonderful words I could've imagined hearing.

As I came down the last .1 stretch, both sides of the course were lined up many people deep with people, cheering, screaming, yelling my name. (It is amazingly effective to put your name on your shirt. You wouldn't believe how much it helps when people cheer for you by name!) I don't know who yelled it, from which side of me, but a woman's voice rang out, "GO JANA!! You're a MARATHONER! You're a MARATHONER!" when I was just steps away from the finish line. I can still hear those words in my head even now. As I crossed the finish, my intention was to throw both my arms up in my "signature" finish line pose, but I found that I only had the energy to get one arm up there. I was done. It took me 6 hours and 15 minutes. A far cry from the 5:30 I was hoping for. Still, done.

I completed 26.2 miles. Do I need to explain the highs and lows, the pain and frustration, the joy and relief when people ask me how the race went? Maybe I don't. Maybe I just need to resist the urge to try and describe it all. Maybe I just need to smile and say, "It went fantastic. I finished!"